What happened??

Hello.  I am sure that some people believe that I have fallen off the face of the earth.  I just want to let you know that I have not.  The last eight months have been fascinating.

After getting back from the cruise, I continued "studying."  I say it like that because now, I don't think I was studying to the best of my ability.  I retook the NBME on May 25, 2017.  And you guessed it.  I failed again.  I was so angry with myself that I said I wasn't going to study for a while.  Now, why would I do that?  Waste of money to be in Chicago, right?  Shouldn't I just go home?

Well, I could have gone back to Georgia with my parents or North Carolina where the rest of my family is but I don't want to look like a failure.  But I have skipped over a little bit of information.  Let's rewind to Easter Sunday.  My boyfriend and I went to church as usual at the sunrise service.  After service, we had breakfast at church and spoke to a few members socially.  We came back to the apartment and worked on our computers for a while before getting the idea to go to Walmart.  He finally got on one knee and asked me to marry him.  <----- equals="" excitement.="" p="" that="">
So fast-forward to June after getting my NBME results, I decided just to plan a wedding since I was so angry at my progress which amounted to nothing.  I was so upset, I called the school asking for reassurance, and I did not get the response I wanted to hear.  So I made my path.  I QUIT studying.  A lot of people would say this is stupid and I agree.  Looking back, I was stupid.  I wasted a lot of time just looking online at wedding stuff I couldn't afford.

By now, you have realized that I like to defy the norm and if there is a cheapskate method for accomplishing a task, I take the risk.  Well, I order the wedding dress on eBay from China.  Yep.  Pretty stupid idea but the dress came out very nice.  The best part was it was less than $200.  So in June, I flew to Atlanta, GA to try on my dress and get it altered because I did not want my fiance to see it.  I also saw the wedding venue I booked the internet for the first time.  I know this sounds like a disaster, but I promise this is on a medical student budget. 

By now, I am teaching very regularly with Chicago Heart Training.  July comes, and James gives me an alternate location where I teach weekly.  I paid for the entire wedding with this extra money.  And maybe a little bit on a credit card.  Overall, it was a hot August wedding in Georgia.  It wasn't over 60 people, and it was a great day.  Here's a video of the big day.  Unfortunately, YouTube caught some songs for copyright infringement, and one of the songs is missing, but the video is still great, however.

After the wedding, we went on our honeymoon.  Our honeymoon was a 5-day cruise in the Caribbean.  We had a blast.  We visited Half Moon Cay, Grand Turk, and Nassau.  We overate, laughed, enjoyed each other's company and beat one another at Connect 4.  

Back to reality, my husband went back to work, and it was time for me to get back to work.  We moved apartments just before going to Georgia to get hitched, so there was a little unpacking left to do.  Then it was study time.  I still was trying to work at Chicago Heart, but it wasn't working out.  It was a big distraction with all the phone calls daily about classes and such.  Plus it was heartbreaking to hear about the devastation of Hurricane Irma to Anguilla.  So represent Anguilla well, it is time to study hard and get that MD!

So lately, I have been confined to my computer answering questions on UWorld and watching YouTube videos while reading through First Aid.  It has been a challenge, but life is supposed to throw curveballs.  No road is straight and narrow; they are all filled with hills and valleys.  My family has been blessed.  Although my brother has not recovered from his accident, I am still hopeful that God will heal him in the manner that He wants to heal my brother.  My father will get a kidney if it is God's will.  With the obstacles in my way, I still smile.  And can only be happy and shout Hallelujah!

So, I will try to make this blog more of an accountability partner and write about the latest things I have studied.  I am currently working on Biostatistics, Epidemiology and Behavioral Science.  Next week, I plan to start on dreadful Pathology.  My source for Pathology is the gold standard, Pathoma.  I am excited to get going very hard and heavy.  I have signed up to take the NBME during the testing period of December 25 through January 7, 2018 (I missed the deadline for the end of the year period).  If anyone wants to be an additional accountability partner, don't hesitate to email me periodically and ask me questions.

Thanks for stopping by and have a BLESSED day!!

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9, NIV

So It Has Been A While.....Forgive ME!

I would just like to ask for forgiveness for leaving all of you out there hanging on what is going on with my life.  I would just like to say that since the last time that I wrote, I have just been a busy little bee studying her life away.  Honestly, AICM just included a rotation for a minimum of two hours per week of various doctors that you essentially watch or talk about how to treat patients.  There were some doctors that were better than others but it is not my place to blast them on here.  My friends and I enjoyed each of our rotations and learned from them differently.  I would say the biggest things were the fact that everything was beginning to come together.

Honestly, while learning the material on the island, the information doesn't make any sense.  Talking with the doctors made us understand that all those little details matter.  Often, I have been told that I should be careful not to "over-study" but I beg to differ.  Is there a such thing as over-studying for the Step 1?  If anyone has an answer to that, I beg you to comment below so my friends can get some information from you.

So I am sure you are dying to find out what is going to happen next with me.  Well, right now, I plan to just study like crazy.  I honestly don't have anything coming up that is spectacular unless you mean my birthday in February and a cruise in March.  Plus, when I get back from that, I plan to take the qualifying exam to take the Step 1 with school.  I must agree that this is a really bad idea but it was something that was planned in advance and I didn't think that this would be how it worked out but unfortunately that is how my schedule is flowing right now.

Also, I am continuing to teach some BLS/HeartSaver courses here and there now that my partner in crime, James, is back around.  If you would like more information about some of the trainings we offer, just visit www.trainchicagoheart.org.  We are still working in conjunction with the Anguilla campus so you can expect some overlap.  We successfully turned the Anguilla program over to two other lovely students who are doing wonderful with the program despite also being responsible for their coursework as well.  I must say that I am extremely proud of them.  They are featured in the Newsletter featured on the SJSM website.

Also, not relevant, but I am pictured in the January 2017 newsletter on page 5 reviewing an exam with some other classmates.  I still remember that day and I must say that it was interesting to get my picture taken while discussing my exam with the professor.  To recap, the picture was during my third semester which is considered the most difficult semester for students to master.

But other than these tidbits, what else do I have to show for myself?   Umm.....would you like to see some of my Step 1 notes?  I'm just kidding but if anyone still has any questions about anything, I am still happy to answer.  I can take a 5-10 minute break every few hours to answer any burning questions that one would have about school.

Maybe before I end, I should explain what my hold up is right now so that people understand my path and where I am going.  So right now, I am studying for the USMLE Step 1 which is a test taken by foreign medical graduates and American medical students alike.  It is a test that determines your fate of what you are to become it seems like the good book does when we get to heaven.  (Give me props for that analogy if you can!)  My school has us (its students) take a qualifying exam (NBME) to determine if we are ready to sit for the Step 1.  Upon passing that, we are allowed to sign up for the Step 1 and write that exam.  The current passing score for the Step 1 is currently 192 with the average being in the 220s.  Of course me, being the overachiever that I am, strive to be a little above that.

I already mentioned before that I plan to take the qualifying exam at the end of March.  Based on the results of that exam, determines my next steps.  My ultimate goal is to successfully pass the Step 1 by August so that I am able to participate in Match by 2019.  So I asked for continuous prayers of my success in those endeavors.  I also don't want to have a never ending cycle of repeating learning the same things over and over which also explain my sense of urgency.  So if anyone is wondering why I am becoming a hermit, this should explain it all.  So peace and quiet it shall be!

I extend hope and prayers for all the students that are currently studying with me and pray they all pass with the scores that they desire.  Just know that my journey is far from over and it is continuing on.  I am just at a mountain currently but I am climbing and I have the equipment necessary to reach the top.  I will try to update you monthly throughout the journey with details of celebrating my birthday and going on the cruise plus the qualifying exam. Thank you all for your many well wishes.

Although Christmas has passed by a month, here's a family picture including my brother that was in the motorcycle accident on my iPad.  Please continue to pray for his recovery.

Let’s not get tired of doing good, because in time we’ll have a harvest if we don’t give up.

Galations 6:9, CEB

Quitting Time

So, Quit Day!

Literally, I just walked into my bosses office and said, "Sir, I would like to turn in my two weeks notice now."  He said he had no clue about this going to take place.  Of course he wanted to know if I was going to a competitor but I responded that I was going to medical school in the Caribbean.  Anguilla to be exact.  And the response I received was, "okay."

So much for a lot of drama and action from someone who "values" you, right?  It's okay because all of the events leading up to this moment told me that I wasn't supposed to be here.  I really thought that I was supposed to work here when it all started and work here until I retired but that isn't the case.  I just don't want to work anywhere where because I don't have a PhD determines if I can be a chemist when in fact, I am a chemist when I graduate college.  Sounds a little demeaning, right?

Other than that, it was really hard telling my coworkers that I was leaving especially the ones I consider my "sisters."  They were happy and mad in the same sense but for good reasons.  The ones that I had told previously, were rooting for me to turn in my notice so the "celebration" could begin.  I must say that it felt really good to turn it in and get the secret over with.  Now, time seems to be going faster than ever.

So, instead of having the option of not working my two weeks, I was told that I had to work.  According to the policy, it says you have an option.  So honestly, that means that I will sit in my office for the next two weeks with my feet propped up.  I did not leave them without some direction of some of the things that I was doing.  I at least wrote procedures and notes on how I did a lot of the processes we used.

The group meeting we had on the following Monday was pretty interesting as well.  I assumed that my boss was going to inform the group of my decision but he actually deferred that to me.  It took everything in me to say, "Well, I quit."  That isn't exactly very professional sounding I would say but it would've gotten my point across.  It seemed everyone was happy for me; even the people who falsely accused me of harassing them.  But that's a story for another day!

So, I have gotten rid of a lot of things in my office to other employees and I am ready to say farewell now but I am sure that this torture is going to last longer than I want it to.  Thank God for sick days though because I don't know how I would make it without it.

Also, for a school update.  Since last week, I submitted the final document needed for traveling and have received my official acceptance letter to go to Saint James School of Medicine.  I can't tell if I am more nervous, scared or excited to be chasing my dreams.  I also received an invite from my peers in a group on Facebook which is helping us to get to know one another.  Seems like our class size will be really small but I guess time will tell.

This new path is starting to take shape and I hold my trust and faith in God.  He has made it absolutely possible for me to accomplish everything from birth to now and I owe everything to Him.  The scripture below is a brief description of how I feel right now!

 For I’m going to do a brand-new thing. See, I have already begun! Don’t you see it? I will make a road through the wilderness of the world for my people to go home, and create rivers for them in the desert!

-Isaiah 43:19, TLB

Am I Really Ready to Leave?

That is the question of the hour.  Well, there are many factors to that question that I have to consider but I would rather talk about 4 of them.  The factors that matter the most about my decision to go to school are: my job/career, my family, my friends (or what little I have of them) and my church.

Gulfport, MS

I think from the earlier posts, you can tell that my job will be one of the easiest transitions.  I honestly don't like my job.  I never thought I would grow to hate going to work every morning but it is very hard to be the only optimistic one at work on most days.  I will miss the trips that I got to take to places such as New Orleans with my boyfriend, Gulfport, MS with a coworker and Wilmington, NC with coworkers.  These are just a few of the excursions I got to experience while I was employed with this company which are the highlights of what happened while I worked here but it doesn't match up with the day to day things that I have to deal with in the office.  I have heard from many individuals that have worked here and left here to find another employer due to the lack of advancement.  I have no intentions of going to graduate school for chemistry due to my failure before (yes, I flunked out of a chemistry masters program) because my passion lies elsewhere.  I like what I do and I will take my knowledge with me.  I just know that waiting 30 years to only be called a scientist is a waste of my time, talent and knowledge and this is the best move to make me happy.

New Orleans, LA with the Boyfriend

Secondly, my family will be a major factor of questioning my readiness to leave.  I am worried about my parents who will not have anyone to lean on except our church family being that they moved to Atlanta, GA from North Carolina to be closer to me.  My father is on disability while my mother has yet to find a job after searching for over a year.  I'm sure they will be fine but I am just hoping that everything happens to them in their favor.  Also, my oldest brother has found the one and I am scared that I will miss out on this important stage of his life.  He also has my niece and nephew which I will have to miss out on this part of their lives.  One of my younger brothers is getting his life together as well as figuring out life with his daughter.  She is only 3 years and my little buddy but I think she will forgive me in the long run.  Also, my youngest brother is just now starting to realize how to live life.  That's all I can say about him because he needs me more than he knows.  And last but not least, my sister.  I finally started to have a relationship with my younger sister after not seeing her for over 10 years for that to abruptly change and I not hear from her in over a month.  I wish that our families were on better terms so that she can see how it is possible to achieve her dreams as well.

Random Walking Downtown in Atlanta, GA

My friends do mean a lot to me but I do understand that they want what's best for me.  I saw one friend get married this weekend.  My best friend is trying to figure out her dream and be what she can be.  I don't have very many close friends so this is the easiest portion of all.  And last but not least, the boyfriend.  I would think it would be more difficult but being that we have dated less than a year and I tried to cram a year into 8 months after he didn't want to, it is a lot easier to leave.


My church is very special to me.  Other than work and home, this is the most likely place that you would find me.  I just love how I am able to learn so much from these people biblically.  It's not always the classes that teach you something but their actions that tell you they are living the way that they teach.  Although some don't teach at all, their actions speak volumes.

Finally I have finished my resignation letter to be handed in on Friday.  I have been avoiding it but I have finally completed it.  It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be but I also told my best coworker.  That was a heavy weight because she is out on leave at the moment but she won't be back until I leave.  I just felt the need to tell her that I was run off from here but it is for a better me!

$122.62

I’ll ask the question that you may be thinking: Why did she title this one $122.62?

Last week, I went to my leasing office of my apartment complex to pay my rent with a check since they don’t have it set up to pay online anymore.  I asked them the total of my water bill so I could write the correct total on the check.  Well, the leasing laws with the state of Georgia are entirely different from what I initially thought of them to be.  All in all, if you are not going to renew your lease, give a written notice 60 days before your lease is supposed to end.  I did not know this information.  So I gave 60 days’ notice to vacate in February.  My lease was supposed to be terminated on March 4.  Of course there was a fee and it now cost me approximately $400 more than I budgeted for housing than I expected.  I literally almost cried as I wrote that check and handed it to the staff there.  I must say that it was a lesson learned. 

At work, I finished a project for another person to be told that I wasn’t the project manager for that project.  I also wrote a 25 page report that was reduced to 12 by my boss saying that the information I included wasn’t “necessary” for the audience of the report.  I just continued to bite my tongue about it and then realized that the report was no longer my report at all and he had completely rewritten everything I worked so hard on.  I didn’t want to dwell on these feelings but it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you don’t feel like you’re moving fast enough to see it.

Also this week, I went to visit a woman I consider a grandmother before going to bible study every week like I always do.  When I was leaving, I contemplating whether even going to bible study when my mother called begging me to come and eat some chili at church.  So I can’t say no to that.  I get to church and it’s just so happen that the guy I sit next to knows someone who is currently attending Saint James.  He sent him a text for him to call me.  He claimed that there were some things that I should know before going to school there.  What those things are, I may never know because I never got that call.  But who knows?!

As if I couldn’t get any more clouds of doubt in my head, I checked the mail and received my electricity bill.  I opened it swiftly because I was anxious to see if that was in its normal range.  The bill was for $122.62.  I just cried and cried.  I was starting to have doubts about leaving especially after the week I had and the amount of money that people were all of a sudden thinking that I was made of.  My boyfriend came over that night and told me that I was going to school because that was my plan.  I immediately dried my eyes and said thank you.  I think that was all I needed to snap out of my funk that I had. 

Overall, you can’t let things happening around you and other people’s opinions determine your fate on how things are supposed to go.  In other words:

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

-John 1:5, ESV